and my herpes radar will keep us safe
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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