My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
