Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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