There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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