At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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