im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
