I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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