You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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