so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
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I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
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I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
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