literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
