At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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