i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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