new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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