what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I know her cup size but not her name....
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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