The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
