And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
