whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
