here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize