Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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