I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize