So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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