matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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