dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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