the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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