she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
