Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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