He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
