I looked at my own cervix.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
