I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
