then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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