I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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