sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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