Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
