So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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