remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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