I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
