I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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