Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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