it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
