what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
