I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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