he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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