I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
