dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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