that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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