I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So much rum. So many feels.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
