i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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