dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize