omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
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He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
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dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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