I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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