Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
