Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Green mimosas i think yes
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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