I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We left the knife in your bed.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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