One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
accomplished twins. life is a go
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
