I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
