arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
