woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
