There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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