I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
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you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
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It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome