Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
