brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?