I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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