Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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