I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again