why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first