I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
