DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
