I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
