Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
