I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
