Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
