had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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