Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
That accounts for only three of the penises
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
