if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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